Making it Fit (The Inconvenience of Change)What makes you think you know what’s best?

You see, the thing about change is that it’s way too associated with habits and actions. There are countless blogs and books trying to persuade us to “do” things differently. ‘Start working out, care about the planet, donate money for charity, learn about social media’ -¬† the list goes on and on.

Great advice. Wrong approach.

When we think about change, we think that by speaking passionately and writing eloquently,¬† people will automatically listen, and sometimes, this is true – there is a lot to be said for the power of a passionate speaker. In short, we think we know what’s best, we think we have it all figured out; but here is the problem: everyone thinks that. No one chooses a degree or a job thinking it’s a bad choice. We have opinions about¬†everything, even about what we don’t know or understand. And when everything fails, we still have our good ol’ friends, our supporters, the rationalizations.

People that believe they can “change” what you think are people that believe in persuasion. I find it hard to believe that you can convince anyone about anything. If that were true, then I could convince you about this, I could make you believe anything I say.

Changing is not possible. Fitting is.

Here’s the true secret behind change and persuasion. You can’t make anyone believe anything that goes against their vision of the world. We are too proud and rarely proven wrong. If discussions rarely lead to changes in people’s opinions, why would habits or activities would be any different?

Everything you do, is an opinion. It’s by listening and putting ourselves in people’s shoes, that we’ll know how to make change fit into their lives, into their opinions.

You may read 100 posts that try to persuade you to do something different, but it’s not until the 101 that you actually “buy it”, that you actually change. This happens because that one triggered something in your own mind; It made sense. You agreed with it. It left a lasting impression. That one fits. It’s an improvement, instead of a replacement.

We like feeling that change comes from within – not that someone told us what to do or inspired us to be better. But it is important to never underestimate human pride. It has gotten in the way of human progress many times. Don’t push change, make it fit. If it does, your opinions will be shared. Arguing against oneself is hard, maybe changing is the only choice that remains.

Carlos MiceliAUTHOR BIO: Somehow Carlos, living in Argentina, and yours truly, living in Nashville, Tennessee crossed paths on the social media super-highway. Odds are, if you are an avid reader of Life Without Pants, you know that Carlos is always around to lend his thoughts on almost any discussion. Carlos is passionatate about writing and reaching out to other people, and he’s always at the head of the pack when it comes to initiating conversation and making you think. He just launched his BRAND SPANKIN NEW blog, OwlSparks – head over there today and show him some love!

Join the conversation! 12 Comments

  1. I go thru this a lot, it was coincidentally the mindset that changed my mediocre sales abilities to being a leading sales producer in the state. I suddenly realized that as much as I wanted to believe I was the most important catalyst in anyone making a buying decision there are millions of bodies in this galaxy all orbiting in mostly perfect order around one central point and heck…I was not that central point.

    You can’t ever “make” someone change. BUT I do think that the central idea of this series can help to facilitate it. Rather than trying to change the world, the environment, the people around you first just try changing YOURSELF and see what happens. Maybe they’ll want to bop you over the head cause you are so overly annoying and “happy.” Or maybe people will see your change and want to be on board with that. The point is that none of it is going to change without that first change being you, and your small voice.

    Reply
    • I absolutely agree with you. It’s funny that I learned this working on sales too, when you work trying to “convince” people, you understand a lot of the human psyche.

      Without a doubt, changing oneself, is a huge boost of morale to other people undecided to make that step yet. I just say, and I think we agree, that we have to let go the idea of persuading people to do it. It’s not just about talking passionately, it’s about listening passionately too.

      Reply
    • Elisa – it all starts with you. The word ‘change’ is thrown around so loosely, it’s become somewhat of a buzz word that’s lost a lot of it’s meaning. The reason behind this, is because so many people get this ‘lofty’ idea of change in their heads – the media plants ideas into our psyche telling us that we have to change the world, save the planet, and so on. This isn’t possible, one person cannot and will not ever do everything. But, a lot of people doing SOMETHING will have an impact.

      YOU being a catalyst and stepping forward for something you believe in will rub off on other people. Odds are, there are a lot of people around you who want to make a difference, but don’t have or haven’t had the motivation do put themselves out there, be the one who inspires others and lead by example. That’s what the goal of this entire series is, to help people gain the confidence that one can have a dramatic (good) effect on many!

      Reply
  2. I go thru this a lot, it was coincidentally the mindset that changed my mediocre sales abilities to being a leading sales producer in the state. I suddenly realized that as much as I wanted to believe I was the most important catalyst in anyone making a buying decision there are millions of bodies in this galaxy all orbiting in mostly perfect order around one central point and heck…I was not that central point.

    You can’t ever “make” someone change. BUT I do think that the central idea of this series can help to facilitate it. Rather than trying to change the world, the environment, the people around you first just try changing YOURSELF and see what happens. Maybe they’ll want to bop you over the head cause you are so overly annoying and “happy.” Or maybe people will see your change and want to be on board with that. The point is that none of it is going to change without that first change being you, and your small voice.

    Reply
    • I absolutely agree with you. It’s funny that I learned this working on sales too, when you work trying to “convince” people, you understand a lot of the human psyche.

      Without a doubt, changing oneself, is a huge boost of morale to other people undecided to make that step yet. I just say, and I think we agree, that we have to let go the idea of persuading people to do it. It’s not just about talking passionately, it’s about listening passionately too.

      Reply
    • Elisa – it all starts with you. The word ‘change’ is thrown around so loosely, it’s become somewhat of a buzz word that’s lost a lot of it’s meaning. The reason behind this, is because so many people get this ‘lofty’ idea of change in their heads – the media plants ideas into our psyche telling us that we have to change the world, save the planet, and so on. This isn’t possible, one person cannot and will not ever do everything. But, a lot of people doing SOMETHING will have an impact.

      YOU being a catalyst and stepping forward for something you believe in will rub off on other people. Odds are, there are a lot of people around you who want to make a difference, but don’t have or haven’t had the motivation do put themselves out there, be the one who inspires others and lead by example. That’s what the goal of this entire series is, to help people gain the confidence that one can have a dramatic (good) effect on many!

      Reply
  3. Carlos, I love your perspective on change. You’re right, we can’t force people to change. In fact, if we try to, it’ll probably have the reverse effect. People can only change when they want to, when they are ready and willing to put in the time and effort it will take to do so. We have to be flexible with change too, it can happen in stages. Looking for an improvement instead of a replacement is a great way to approach change. I also like the idea of making change fit because it’s true that it will fit differently in different peoples’ lives. Great post!

    Reply
    • Sam, you wrote it better than I did! Great comment. There’s no rush for making people change, and we always like to do it in one dinner, in one post, in one tweet. Like you say, we have to be flexible.

      I’m glad you liked it and that you agree! Thanks for your time Sam!

      Reply
    • I agree that looking at change as an improvement rather than a replacement is wise. Most people aren’t going to change if they know it will have a dramatic impact and alter what they’re used to. But, we can go through a GRADUAL REVOLUTION (the URL of my old blog by the way, I sort of miss that title/theme). Change doesn’t have to happen all at once, baby steps in the right direction can be HUGE. Make change fit, but don’t settle in and become too content, keep moving forward, keep challenging yourself and in turn, challenge others!

      Reply
  4. Carlos, I love your perspective on change. You’re right, we can’t force people to change. In fact, if we try to, it’ll probably have the reverse effect. People can only change when they want to, when they are ready and willing to put in the time and effort it will take to do so. We have to be flexible with change too, it can happen in stages. Looking for an improvement instead of a replacement is a great way to approach change. I also like the idea of making change fit because it’s true that it will fit differently in different peoples’ lives. Great post!

    Reply
    • Sam, you wrote it better than I did! Great comment. There’s no rush for making people change, and we always like to do it in one dinner, in one post, in one tweet. Like you say, we have to be flexible.

      I’m glad you liked it and that you agree! Thanks for your time Sam!

      Reply
    • I agree that looking at change as an improvement rather than a replacement is wise. Most people aren’t going to change if they know it will have a dramatic impact and alter what they’re used to. But, we can go through a GRADUAL REVOLUTION (the URL of my old blog by the way, I sort of miss that title/theme). Change doesn’t have to happen all at once, baby steps in the right direction can be HUGE. Make change fit, but don’t settle in and become too content, keep moving forward, keep challenging yourself and in turn, challenge others!

      Reply

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About Matt Cheuvront

I empower folks to do the work they want to do and live the life they want to live. Connect on Twitter or check out the work I'm doing at Proof.

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The Inconvenience of Change

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