The Inconvenience of Change

The Inconvenience of Change: Don’t Shout It, Live It! [Jun Loayza]

May 20, 2009 · 16 comments

What’s holding you back?

My good friend Michael is smart, good-looking, musically talented, and personable. He transferred to UCLA with me, was my pledge bro in Delta Sigma Pi, and even graduated with the same exact major as me. Though on paper we may be very similar, there is a HUGE difference in drive, motivation, and ability to CHANGE.

You see, I took the corporate route straight out of college just like he did. I sat in my cubicle with my suit and tie and did what people told me to do. The difference is that I hated my job; he still hates his job. I had the ability to adapt immediately without hesitation and change course to pursue something that I am truly passionate about. He doesn’t have this ability; he has a hesitation that is holding him back from pursuing something that he loves to do.

Is it laziness? Is it fear? What is it that is holding Michael back?

Every time Michael and I hang out, I make sure that he hears it from me. I tell him what he should be doing, how he should be doing it, why he should leave his job now, and how I did it. “If I did it, you can do it too!” seems to be my motto in our conversations.

Like many of you who will be reading this, I constantly am trying to push my friends to be more productive, follow their dreams, and do what they love. But does our preaching really work?

Talking and writing about change are not enough to make it happen.

My answer to the inconvenience of change

I think the question has to be more specific. I believe people make temporary changes all the time: overweight people make a new years resolution to exercise, people in debt promise themselves that they won’t use their credit card anymore, C students swear they’ll start going to class everyday next semester.

And you know what happens? After a few months, they’ll just go back to being the same exact way they were.

Permanent change is rare because it means going against your DNA.

How to make people change

You can’t. You can’t force a change, but you can provide the circumstance to let it happen. There are two reasons why people make a permanent change: the epiphany moment and change by example.

The epiphany moment

The epiphany moment causes an instant change in a person, like a sudden realization of truth and direction. If something was previously unclear, the epiphany moment puts things in perspective and causes the person to change immediately.

For example, a polluter doesn’t care about leaving trash at the beach. No matter how many statistics he reads about pollution or how many people tell him that he needs to throw away his trash at the beach, he won’t make the change because it’s inconvenient.

The epiphany moment: The polluter goes to the beach again, and sees a seagull struggling to untangle himself from one of those plastic soda wrappers. Seeing the poor seagull struggle is concrete, and may leave an impression on the polluter that could cause him to change his ways.

Change by example

Blogging about change is good, but unless you’re actively getting involved, you’re not going to be creating the change. If you blog about animal rights, you need to be volunteering at a shelter and making a concrete difference to an animal’s life.

Lets stay with the polluter example. You can’t simply tell your friend to stop polluting; you need to change by example. If your friend doesn’t throw away his trash when you go to the beach together, then you need to pick it up for him and make sure that he sees you do it. This kind of change is gradual and not guaranteed, but if you are the example of the change you want to make happen, then there is a possibility that it will.

Stop trying to make it happen

Stop trying to make change happen. You can’t. The result will be frustration on your part because all of those around you will ignore your please and cries. Become the change that you want, and if you lead by example, then those around you may become influenced by you.

If my friend Michael doesn’t go through an epiphany moment, then the only way I can help him is by continuing to change by example. Because I said “No” to a job I disliked, I have inspired others to do the same.

Don’t shout the change. Live the change.

AUTHOR BIO: Where do I start with this guy? Young, successful, and driven, Jun Loayza is a proverbial ‘jack of all trades’ – he does his thing on his own blog and with the newly launched Viralogy.com, an innovative approach to blog aggregation. Jun and I met a few months ago on the web and since then, I’ve looked up to him as the epitome of what it means to leave the corporate world and make it happen on your own. At not even 25 years old, we’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg to what Jun with undoubtedly accomplish in the future.

The Inconvenience of Change: What Will You Choose? [Shereen Qutob]

May 18, 2009 · 42 comments

Change, the only true constant in our lives they say.

When I ponder this question I think back to all the times that I could have changed, should have changed but didn’t change. Upon reflection I realize that the choices I made NOT to change had a direct impact on the results that soon followed. In some areas I’ve still not changed. I’ve struggled on and off with my weight for years, those pesky turbulent 20lbs. I can sit and blame my genes, my hectic work schedule, my parents, my husband for bringing home lots of goodies to snack on and the list would go on. The truth is the only person I can really blame though is me. I’m responsible for the results I see in my life today whether financial, social, health, career wise, relationships. I am.

So why don’t we change? Taking my weight as an example, I’ve had all the logical, rational reasons to change. I’ve recently had a few health scares related to my not-so-healthy lifestyle which prompted me to change. Also, recently turning 30 made me think long and hard about my eating and exercise (or lack of). One day soon I’d like to have children and I know I MUST change in order to be healthy for them. It all sounds logical, makes sense, no doubt about it. The sad fact is I haven’t really changed despite all of that. My diet still consists of a lot of rubbish food and as for exercise – let’s not even go there! This makes me dig deeper and realize that “wanting” to change has nothing to do with logic!

We’re not in Kansas anymore

A mentor shared with me that when change is imposed on us, it carries a sense of loss of control. In order for a change effort to really succeed it must have our complete and total commitment which is not always a rational thing. Change is disorienting and a departure from the familiar. Hook it to emotions and you may start to get somewhere.

It makes no sense at all. An irrational fear with no substance. I’m afraid of actually realizing my goal and having to live up to those expectations. I realize that this fear is based on “beliefs” I pitch to myself and convince myself to hold as true. Misery really loves company and majority rules in the end. It’s always easier to be part of the griping pack, the pity parties and the victim fests rather than take the reigns and take full responsibility. Only when we consciously decide to take ownership of our problems, challenges, and fears can we begin to make progress towards long and lasting change.

I guess we’re also afraid of change because we worry too much about what others think, “what will they say”, how will they view us now, what label will they give us. Only when we stop worrying about that mindless noise and really focus on the cause we’re striving for will we make any concrete steps towards change. In retrospect, change really has been the only constant in my life. From my school years, moving from country to country, studying abroad, tackling different subjects, changing careers from architecture to media & communications to HR in less than a decade! To marrying my husband who is literally from the other side of the world. Has it always been easy and smooth, absolutely NOT. Has it helped me grow as a person – without a doubt.

We always have a choice

Even in the most dismal of circumstances we still have a choice. I can choose to be invisible at work and get trampled on or I can choose to be vocal about my achievements, choose to get involved in initiatives and choose to make a difference. All of this involves changing my perceptions, stepping outside comfort zone island and adapting my behavior. As Gandhi so rightly said “Be the change you want to see in the world”. There are two camps, the doers and the sayers. Many people can talk about what it’s like to do so and so, but how many actually go out there and take the plunge? Which side are you on? Go out there and “Just Do It”!

AUTHOR BIO: Shereen comes to us all the way from Dubai. The two of us met a few months ago via Twitter. Since then, she’s been a big contributor here and I’ve been urging her to launch a blog of her own. A great writer and an awesome person to get to know, I recommend everyone reading this to take a few minutes to follow her on Twitter and introduce yourself. You’ll be glad you did!

The Inconvenience of Change: Making it Fit [Carlos Miceli]

May 15, 2009 · 12 comments

What makes you think you know what’s best?

You see, the thing about change is that it’s way too associated with habits and actions. There are countless blogs and books trying to persuade us to “do” things differently. ‘Start working out, care about the planet, donate money for charity, learn about social media’ - the list goes on and on.

Great advice. Wrong approach.

When we think about change, we think that by speaking passionately and writing eloquently, people will automatically listen, and sometimes, this is true – there is a lot to be said for the power of a passionate speaker. In short, we think we know what’s best, we think we have it all figured out; but here is the problem: everyone thinks that. No one chooses a degree or a job thinking it’s a bad choice. We have opinions about everything, even about what we don’t know or understand. And when everything fails, we still have our good ol’ friends, our supporters, the rationalizations.

People that believe they can “change” what you think are people that believe in persuasion. I find it hard to believe that you can convince anyone about anything. If that were true, then I could convince you about this, I could make you believe anything I say.

Changing is not possible. Fitting is.

Here’s the true secret behind change and persuasion. You can’t make anyone believe anything that goes against their vision of the world. We are too proud and rarely proven wrong. If discussions rarely lead to changes in people’s opinions, why would habits or activities would be any different?

Everything you do, is an opinion. It’s by listening and putting ourselves in people’s shoes, that we’ll know how to make change fit into their lives, into their opinions.

You may read 100 posts that try to persuade you to do something different, but it’s not until the 101 that you actually “buy it”, that you actually change. This happens because that one triggered something in your own mind; It made sense. You agreed with it. It left a lasting impression. That one fits. It’s an improvement, instead of a replacement.

We like feeling that change comes from within – not that someone told us what to do or inspired us to be better. But it is important to never underestimate human pride. It has gotten in the way of human progress many times. Don’t push change, make it fit. If it does, your opinions will be shared. Arguing against oneself is hard, maybe changing is the only choice that remains.

AUTHOR BIO: Somehow Carlos, living in Argentina, and yours truly, living in Nashville, Tennessee crossed paths on the social media super-highway. Odds are, if you are an avid reader of Life Without Pants, you know that Carlos is always around to lend his thoughts on almost any discussion. Carlos is passionatate about writing and reaching out to other people, and he’s always at the head of the pack when it comes to initiating conversation and making you think. He just launched his BRAND SPANKIN NEW blog, OwlSparks – head over there today and show him some love!

The Inconvenience of Change: We Are Creatures of Habit [Grace Boyle]

May 13, 2009 · 63 comments

Creatures of Habit

We are creatures of habit. We find comfort in regularity. When something out of the ordinary comes along, forces us to dig deep and make a U-Turn instead of keep going straight, it’s jarring. All of a sudden the comfort and familiarity are gone and we’re alone-not quite sure what to do next.

Why is change so inconvenient? I think it is connected to our brains and psyche. James Gordon, M.D. says, “It’s not that some people have willpower and some don’t. It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not.” Change is inconvenient because people are afraid of the unknown. Our society has conditioned us to believe that the unknown in life is like walking the plank, harrowing and dangerous. Does it have to be dangerous? Without the unknown being conquered, no inventions would be made, no entrepreneurs would take leaps and the list continues on. Think about the psychological affect our brain has to go through. It impacts the human mind and if we’re scared of it, we think that level of change and unknown might get worse or cause us more pain. The very anatomy of change is determined not by ones surroundings, but one’s inherent mindset.

While sometimes our brain finds it hard to mentally morph and glide with change, it is inevitably happening around us, even if we’re not conscious of it. I believe that change, is for us to use to We Are Creatures of Habit move forward.

So, how can we move forward with change?

Embrace change, head on. Focus on the power of thought and intention. Baby steps are still steps in the right direction and recognize it may take time. Then find others to help and support you in your plight. Think about when you hear a story about someone who overcame great adversity and change. You’re quite often inspired and moved, ready to take a leap of faith yourself. If change is uncomfortable (let’s face it, it usually is) surround yourself with the goodness of others and their action to make change happen.

Nicholas Christakis, a professor of medical sociology at Harvard University says, “People are better able to make changes in their lives-lose weight, quit smoking, become happy-when they do this with a large number of other people.” Here we are, collaborating and sharing ideas, participating through blogging and social networks (on and offline). We’re already part of a change revolution. Christakis believes, “social networks have this interesting property of magnifying whatever they are seeded with, and so taking advantage of your social network ties can result in a magnification of your own efforts.”

Readiness for change and embracing the unknown comes at a different pace for each person. Each person has a varying readiness level, depending on their situation but it only takes one step and the recognition to make change. Then by taking the step forward, we can, as a force, be a catalyst for change.

Photo Credit: Oprah.com

Bio: Grace Boyle is a 23 year-old adventurista who loves to travel, give back and take risks in her career and life. Currently, she lives in Boulder, Colorado and does Business Development for Lijit, a tech startup providing a customized search tool, stats and advertising network for bloggers. Her own blog is Small Hands, Big Ideas and when she’s not writing or working, she can be found volunteering with Ladies Who Launch, snowboarding, or enjoying happy hour with her friends. Grace is ALWAYS willing to reach out and lend a hand, share some words of wisdom, and her blog is a continuous source of inspiration.

The Inconvenience of Change: Change is Good [Samantha Karol]

May 11, 2009 · 20 comments

Change is Good

AUTHOR BIO: Sam is a twenty-something with a passion for writing. She works as a Marketing Assistant for online ad network, CPX Interactive, and currently resides in Brooklyn, NY. Sam loves meeting new people, so be sure to check out her blog: Life Is Like a Box of Chocolates, and say hello. With all of the bloggers our there writing about politics, current events, and saving the world, Life’s Chocolates provides readers with a personal and refreshing perspective on life – which is why I love it, for it’s simplicity and honesty.

Change is good

My dad has a t-shirt that says “Change is good.” He got it when we took a vacation to Vegas about ten years ago. The meaning of the message in Vegas terms is obvious, but the meaning for my dad went far beyond the slot machines.

When I was about nine years old, my dad had a heart attack. It was the scariest night of my life, and I will always remember every detail. Thankfully (in a way that words cannot even begin to express) he ended up being okay, and began a long recovery that required him to re-evaluate how he was living his life. We soon found out that the non-medical cause of the heart attack was stress. As a rabbi, he has always taken other people’s problems upon himself in an effort to help them, and there is often a lot of politics going on behind the scenes that can get pretty stressful. It turns out that my dad had gotten pretty good at bottling it all up inside him, too good, and his body had responded. He realized the magnitude of the situation, how lucky he was to be alive, and that if he didn’t make some serious changes, he might not be so lucky next time.

Change is inconvenient

We are all set in our ways, content with the level of balance we’ve achieved in our lives. Though we may not enjoy our routine, it’s familiar and comforting. Our job might not be the most fulfilling, but it pays the bills, and we can always look for another one. No one wants to rock the boat because they’re afraid of falling overboard. Some of us spend our days putting others before ourselves, and we don’t even notice. Others want to help the less fortunate, but always assume that someone else will do it and never take action themselves.

So, why make the effort to change if things are fine the way they are? Well, when you look back on your life thirty or forty years from now, are you going to wish you had done things differently? What if you’re looking back much sooner than that? Will you still be content with “fine,” or will you find yourself wishing it could have been “great”?

Yes, change is often inconvenient, it’s difficult, and it will challenge you, but the best things in life are worth the risk. Don’t spend your life waiting and wondering, make every moment count. The truth is that life is unpredictable, and we never know what the next day will bring. Make the effort to get out of your rut and make changes in your life. Even the smallest change can have a big impact.

My dad was lucky, he got another chance, and he has definitely made the most of it. He takes better care of himself, manages his stress differently, and asks for help when he can’t handle everything alone. But, I know he wishes he had made these changes sooner, and hadn’t needed a near death experience to motivate him. It’s important to take care of ourselves, and others, no matter what we have to do to. So, take a good look at your life, stare change straight in the eye, and embrace it.

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out–
because I was not a communist;
Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out–
because I was not a socialist;
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out–
because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out–
because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me–
and there was no one left to speak out for me.
–Pastor Martin Niemöller

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