As one door closes, another opens

For just over a month here at Life Without Pants I have taken a step back and have let you, the readers, share your personal voice on change. Some people may have thought this was crazy – some may say it was detrimental to my personal brand, and others may have simply thought it was a little overkill; that we were beating a dead (change) horse. To all of this, I say, you may be right.

You may be right – but I may also be brilliant. I may have accomplished something incredible, in fact, I know I have. On February 6th, 2009, less than four months ago, I wrote my first article on Life Without Pants. If you dig into the archives, they don’t go very deep, but you’ll see that since February, the community has steadily grown, my writing style has evolved (and hopefully improved), we’ve seen peaks and valleys but overall for an ‘unestablished’ (whatever that means) blogger to reach out and encourage almost fifty of the best writers and innovative thinkers on the web to lend their voice to a discussion is amazing, not to mention humbling. We collectively were able to turn a simple idea into a blogging revolution!

When I sat down at the end of April and thought about the topic of change – the first thing that came to mind was that it is difficult, it’s inconvenient, at times it’s damn near impossible – but my next thought, the one that inspired me to reach out to all of you – was that change is different for everyone. You can be a catalyst for change in so many different ways. It’s about doing instead of trying. It’s about accepting failure as inevitable and a step toward success. It’s about breaking the old habits and establishing new ones. It’s about how you deal with, embrace, and learn from the things you can’t control; those outside forces that will undoubtedly blindside you with change, time and time again. It’s about never stopping, continuing to move forward, pushing through when it’s easy to quit, doing something TODAY instead of putting it off until tomorrow. Sometimes you’ll move a little bit slower, sometimes it will feel like you’ve stopped moving altogether, but through it all, you have to KEEP MOVING.

The power of one

My mission through all this wasn’t to get you out there changing the world. I’m a realist and I’m not here to preach that you can do everything, because you cant. The goal here was simple: To illustrate the power of one, and in some small way, I think I have.  I (we) have encouraged thought provoking conversation, interesting debate, and innovative thinking as we’ve tackled the topic of change from essentially any and every angle. If even one of these articles left you walking away thinking more critically about change in your own lives, this was a success. We can’t change the world, but we can change a lot in our own lives, and if it’s one thing I’ve learned, one thing that can be taken away from all of this, it’s that change starts from within. You can’t rely on some outside force to spark the change within you. In the end, the intent has to be there before we even consider the ability.

You are  not alone – as you’ve seen, we’re all going through changes, we’re all evolving into better writers, more involved individuals within our communities, showing more compassion, developing new ideas and thought processes, thinking more critically, and becoming more accepting of those things we may not fully understand. We’re learning, we’re growing, we’re evolving into more complete human beings, and we’re doing all of this together. You don’t have to start the revolution, you can join in! The power of the collective spirit is a pretty incredible thing.

Don’t call it a comeback (even though it sort of is)

I will be happy to reclaim my own voice here – this series has been amazing and the writing hiatus has given me some much needed time to figure out some things in my own life and make some personal changes. But it’s also shown me how much I love writing, and how integral it’s become as a part of my everyday life. In short, I missed it, a lot. This will be a tough act to follow, but the time off has given me some time to recharge and rejuvenate those writing juices. I’m coming back, with a new found passion – bigger and better than ever! I’ve clearly got some pretty big expectations to live up to!

Thank you, all of you, who have been a part of this. I have been inspired by all of you and overwhelmed with your individual and collective passion. I’ve learned a lot from each of you, and if nothing else, I’ve met some amazing people along the way. It’s been a truly humbling and eye-opening experience, and this is only the beginning! There are some big things in the work as far as ‘next steps’ for the Inconvenience of Change (can someone say ebook?) And of course, as always,  you can expect continued (attempts) at greatness and innovation from yours truly here at Life Without Pants!

Now what are you waiting for? Go change the world. It starts with you!

What if railroad companies thought of themselves as transportation companies instead of just people who built tracks? What if the music industry embraced file sharing? What if the newspaper industry embraced new media from the onset?

Is Exxon Mobil an oil company or an energy company?

Change is inconvenient. Not only in our own lives, but in business (and marketing) as well.

We would rather watch others take the plunge off the high dive, while we dip out toes in the baby pool. Great strategy if you want to become irrelevant. Sure you might not drown, but by the time you learn how to swim it will be too late anyway.

THE CHANGE MINDSET

“The very anatomy of change is determined not by ones surroundings, but one’s inherent mindset. While sometimes our brain finds it hard to mentally morph and glide with change, it is inevitably happening around us, even if we’re not conscious of it. I believe that change, is for us to use to move forward.” – Grace Boyle

Changing requires first thinking about typical constructs in an atypical way.

During your brainstorming meetings, how often do you find yourself thumbing through case studies and citing companies that have done ‘this and that’ successfully using a certain set of tools? You can use Twitter the way Zappos did, or you can create a Facebook page like Ernst and Young’s but you better be prepared to do it better. Otherwise you’re just copying.

Start mixing and matching. Think about ways to use the tools in unconventional ways? I bet your company doesn’t have the rocks to make cologne that smells like a burger.

WANTING TO CHANGE ISN’T ENOUGH

“Behavior depends on two things: intention and ability… our intention to change is the biggest predictor of change.” – Eva Rykr

Anita Lobo explains that there are 5 precursors to change and that recognizing these meta patterns helps deal with the onset of change. They’re intuitive and they could certainly trigger intention.

The trick then becomes determining whether your (or your companies) desire to change is founded on mechanics that make sense, that are worthwhile, positive and certainly sustainable.

As Carlos explains, overcoming human pride and resisting the urge to push change in favor of making it fit into people’s minds, lives, opinions, et al. is where change stops becoming a task and starts becoming a choice. One people want to take.

“You know, I was thinking, we should have a better digital presence so that our clients can really see that we’re capable of activating ourselves in this space.”

That’s great, but what has it accomplished?

“I’m confident that taking a more proactive approach in the digital space will not only prove to our clients that we’re thought leaders in this niche, but illustrate our value and USP, which will invariably generate strong leads that we won’t have to hard sell. Here , let me show you the strategy I’ve been working on. Maybe you can help me refine it, determine key points of emphasis for execution.”

Now, at least they’re listening.

CHANGE STARTS SMALL

“One person can not and will not ever do everything, but one person can do something, one person can do a lot, one person can set a spark that stares a wildfire of change throughout their community.” – Matt Cheuvront

You don’t run 20 miles on your first day training for a marathon.

Once you’ve established the change mindset, and established a strategic approach to changing for the right reasons then you start, gradually.

All it takes is one person to provide the circumstance to let it happen, one person to lead by example. One voice. One ear to listen. One act to change.

You won’t dismantle your current corporate infrastructure overnight. You won’t transform your company to a ROWE with a well written manifesto. But you MIGHT get to help lead a small team to champion customer service and social influence marketing with your brand’s evangelists. You MIGHT get to work from home on Fridays.

Sam Davidson and Stephen Moseley’s New Day Revolution shows you how small changes in your daily routine can make a big difference.

CHANGE = UNCERTAINTY = FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN

Help your organization stay ahead of the curve, to continue innovating by venturing out and enduring this painstaking process. When you emerge out the other side of the tunnel with something to show for it, grab the flashlight and go back can grab your co-workers. Start with the one who has trudged ahead; guide them through remaining rough patches. Then there are two of you to go back and get others.

The more people willing to endure the initial fear, the more likely your company will still be relevant 5, 10, 15 years from now.

But someone has to lead. Are you ready? Is that you?

Ryan Stephens is the mastermind behind Ryan Stephens Marketing, a strategic consulting and professional development entity that specializes in relationship marketing for the business owner. Ryan’s focus is on providing results to his clients through the building of intimate business relationships. His blog offers insight and wisdom into the world of social media and Web 2.0 marketing, and Ryan is at the top of his game when it comes to connecting with his audience. Ryan runs a bi-monthly survey of the best Gen-Y blogs voted on by the readers, of which Life Without Pants was voted #1 for the month of June (an outstanding an unexpected honor). Swing by his blog and give him a shout on Twitter today – you’ll be glad you did!

Everyone can change. Yes, even you!

My cousin Nadia lives in Russia. I love her to death and consider her one of my two best friends in the world. But within spending two hours with her, I want to bite her head off. She has an extremely complicated personality and to all attempts at suggesting to change, she replies with “I cannot change anymore. I am a grown person and my personality has formed.” She is 22.

I am a firm believer in that we can change ourselves if we really set out to do it. Change is not the hard part. The hard part is really setting out to do it. Often enough, I have pretended to myself to want to make a change in my life, failed once or twice to make that change and abandoned the effort altogether. It happens so often that getting discouraged with the thought of being able to change can completely overcome any kind of motivation.

So the central question that I ask myself is “how do I take on change so that it lasts and so that I do not give up a week into it?”

I still keep failing at change regularly, but sometimes I succeed. What makes those change “projects” successful? It is making the change I want to happen a habit in my life.

To succeed, you must fail

First, it is necessary to recognize off the bat that you will fail at the change when you first start (and probably will fail regularly for the rest of your life). For example, if you are someone who loves to snack and want to stop that behavior, quitting cold turkey on Monday morning is recipe for failure. Recognize that you will not be able to stick to the change perfectly from the very beginning and promise yourself to not give up when you fail.

Second, recognize the importance of habit-formation and the little battles. If you want to make the change to exercise more than you currently do, then exercise every time you plan on exercising. Do not let rationalization and “I will start tomorrow” postpone the exercise you planned on for today. Remember that every time you exercise the change muscle, it gets stronger. So does your habit. Therefore, going to the gym today not only yields positive health benefits, but also strengthens the habit that you have engaged in the change for. You will then be more likely to go tomorrow because you have a previous, recent experience to recall and rely on. This previous experience says: “Look, you did it last time. It was not awesome, but you did it. Which means you can do it today, too.”

Third, stay with the behavior and keep on going when you slip up, thus working it into the concept for who you are. I used to be a pretty sarcastic person, a tone which I adapted in high school, when I was not paying attention. When I started my first job in January 2009, I decided that sarcasm was inappropriate in the workplace. Every time I felt the urge to say something sarcastic, I would either remain silent or say something nice. Gradually, this habit (of not being sarcastic) spilled over into my life and became part of who I am. Now, I barely ever think of sarcastic ways to respond to people. Sarcasm no longer has a place in my self-perception.

So there you go. Change is possible and might not even be that hard. All it takes is a honest commitment on your part and winning the little battles along the way. And before you know it, it stops being change and becomes who you are.

Image courtesy of Teddy

AUTHOR BIO: I recently ‘met’ Irina after stumbling across her blog, Nine to Done where she talks about Gen-Y, careers, relationships, and life. I immediately knew she would be an awesome contributor to this series, and she was quick to jump on the bandwagon. You can dive deepr into her psyche by reading her blog and following her on Twitter. Irina, thanks for jumping into this on such short notice, you rock!

Without change, where would we be?

As I read over your fantastic perspectives on change, I have to ask why we need so much help dealing with it. I mean, literally speaking, change is the continuation of life. No matter your perspective, you can’t ignore how change started the world’s engines-without it, you wouldn’t have breathed your first breath-or how it fuels our survival by providing ample scenarios for adaptation. Change is so pre-historically natural to life that we couldn’t possibly live here without acknowledging and accepting it; yet we seem to have trouble digesting it.

The initiator of change seems to be time. When Time began, it released a dynamic process of change called growth, which is equally unavoidable. There’s physical (read: biological) growth that develops Nature’s ability to survive; intellectual and emotional growth that allows man to recognize, and also resist, inherent realities like “change”; and there’s societal growth (or regression, if you’re so-inclined) that causes change in human systems like religion, culture, and nationalism. Growth exists due to the reality of change, and the forward-moving nature of Time.

Growth is the result of change over time

Let’s put two and two together. If growth is the result of change over time, doesn’t it seem silly for us to be afraid of change (and the passage of time)? I mean, we’re growing here! Isn’t that a good thing? So why do we resist it?

I think people actually want change-and we know we need it for survival, but another consequence of intellectual and emotional growth is this egocentric need for control. We LOVE it. In fact, we hate time to rush on without it, which means we have to control everything in our wee worlds. And most of the time, it just doesn’t work out the way we’d like. So, we hate the change instead of examining the way we handled it. Interestingly enough, we can have control, but not in the manipulative way we think of it. I’m saying that we can play god (gasp!), but only over ourselves. I’ll get back to that.

We’re now-people. It’s obvious, and you’ll definitely agree that our culture and its inventions give us every opportunity to continue in the “now” vein. So it follows that we don’t like giving change the chance to flesh itself out and reveal its direction. Nope. We want to control the movement of change. We’d love to stop it when it looks nice to us or pick and choose its results.

For instance, if I want a new car I’d be foolish to think my end of the deal stops at the sale. I have to think about gas, maintenance, title registration and renewal, and keeping it clean. The same with a house, going to school, getting a job, having kids (especially this one!)…even down to how we eat, what we do for exercise, and what we put into our minds.

In each area of life, our decisions tend to follow the same pattern. We like the immediate result of change, but often not its patiently waiting consequences. But with more forethought to each matter of change, we get a taste for what follows, we can see the reaction of our action! Brilliant!

Much like whether or not fearing change is rational, the responsibility of forethought (or, preparation) is something else for which we’ve received ill-instruction. But hey, there’s a remedy for that craziness:

Responsibility is the wonder drug for fear of change. Here’s how it works:

Fate? Free will? What about choice?

It’s my responsibility to choose what I think, how I feel, and what I do. See, I told ya you can play god. I choose-and have a responsibility to choose- whether or not I allow certain harmful thought processes to continue, and I want to control them because I know how they make me feel. Controlling my thoughts links to controlling my feelings. I like to feel happy, loved, peaceful, and confident, so I dissolve anxious, fearful, insecure thoughts. This takes practice, I assure you, and comes more naturally to some than others as our various upbringings have programmed us toward certain thought patterns.

When you understand controlling your choice of thoughts, feelings, and actions, you stop letting circumstances affect you. Instead, you affect your circumstances. Choosing how you think, feel, and do is choosing your situation. Your chosen reaction to unforeseen circumstances is as much in your hands as any direct action. You’ll find that the more you can control yourself, the more accustomed you become to foreseeing your circumstances’ reactive consequences-and thus, the more comfortably you handle change.

You can choose not to let change affect you negatively. But you have to want to see truth in that. It’s an easy cop-out to say, it’s natural for me to feel fearful when things change, it’s natural for me to want things to stay the same. But what is natural, honestly? A stagnant environment? Or the ability to navigate the ebb and flow of change in our lives? If you need a reference, look at nature and take heart in its long experience.

AUTHOR BIO: Chelsie and I met during our collegiate studies here in Nashville – crossing paths during our philosophical in-class discussions on Joseph Campbell, the journey of the hero, and the philosophy of the Matrix. She has an unmatched passion for life, and expresses herself beautifully through her writing and music. As an aspiring songwriter and musician, you can discover all that Chelsie has to offer over at her website – and all of you reading this should go give her a follow on Twitter.

Change scares me.

Most people I know are afraid of snakes or spiders or heights. But for me, these things are simple nuisances, minor annoyances that I can deal with.

Loss. Failure. Uncertainty. These are all abstract things I can’t reason, sometimes can’t understand, and most certainly can never control.

These are the things that scare me.

And these tend to be a product of change.

Doctors and scientists agree that people tend to have one of two reactions when placed in a threatening situation: adrenaline tells them to either fight or take flight. I’ve always perceived change as my greatest threat for what I thought it meant. And so my first impulse has always been to fight that change, kicking and screaming every step of the way, trying whatever I could to hang on to what I had,  to prevent that change from happening. I always associated change with something bad.

When we look back, my parents and I can point my panic disorder all the way back to kindergarten, where I would abruptly burst into tears at the very thought of my mom leaving me. But it wasn’t until my junior year in high school that it really came back in full-force, affecting me, impacting my life in such a negative way.

Nearly every single day for an entire semester I would leave my house for the less than five mile drive to school. And every single day I would turn the car around and drive back home, a sense of overwhelming despair and shaking fear clouding my mind and removing any semblance of rational thought. I was nearly eighteen years old at the time. I felt like I was four again as I retreated to the safest place I knew, begging my dad not to leave for work, begging my mom not to make me leave the house. The problem wasn’t where I was going but, rather, what I would be leaving. I feared that something would happen, something would change, and I wouldn’t be ready for it, wouldn’t be prepared.

This irrational, emotional part of me believed that if I remained in my comfort zone, then maybe I could somehow prevent whatever change was looming ahead from actually happening; I thought I could somehow remain safe and cocooned with everyone safe and cocooned with me.

Sometimes, though, there is loss that you can’t prevent, no matter how much you beg or pray or how secure your cocoon seems to be. Sometimes there is disappointment and regret and failure no matter how much you plan.

Sometimes things happen that you can’t predict, that you can’t ever be ready for.

With change, maybe you never really are.

But maybe, just maybe, life isn’t really about that, after all.

The idea of change used to scare me because it was something I couldn’t control and I always associated it with loss, failure, and uncertainty. But now I see that change doesn’t have to be equated with fear, but rather opportunity.

Some of my greatest learning experiences and proudest accomplishments have occurred due to a change I wasn’t entirely prepared for, but I pushed through that fear anyway. And it has sometimes taken all of my strength and courage and every last member of my support network, and I may have resisted it all the way, but what I’ve found is that once I accept it, once that fear and anticipation passes, once the change comes, as it always does, I’m able to pick myself up and continue on.

I fight change every single step of the way.

But when I stop resisting, when I open myself up to the possibility…That’s when I soar.

Photo courtesy McMorr

Author Bio: Susan, in a nutshell, is a passionate and inspirational writer, and more importantly an amazing person. With all this talk about personal blogging vs. personal branding, she seamlessly is able to blur that line and relate her personal experiences with the ‘big picture’. She is an avid writer at her blog(s) Typescript and Twenty(or)Something – I encourage you to check out both, and if you haven’t already, reach out and say hello to Susan today!

Most change agents out there are dreamers at heart. We dream the kinds of dreams that you can only dream when awake, and most of these dreams have one central theme: tomorrow can be better than today.

It was Robert Kennedy who first put into words what most of us dreamers think about each day when he so appropriately said that we think about things that aren’t and ask, “Why not?” And whether we’re dreaming of a day when genocide ends or a day when people no longer go hungry in America, we can’t help but think that tomorrow will be a better day, one full of possibility and hope, one that is a future worth working for.

But here’s the downside of dreaming: When we spend so much time thinking about tomorrow, it’s very tempting to say that we’ll get around to it…tomorrow.

Before we know it, tomorrow’s today. And then we keep dreaming of a better tomorrow and put off the real work it’s going to take until – you guessed it – tomorrow.

Maybe this is why real change takes so long. Maybe this is why productive and meaningful advances seem to happen at a snail’s pace. It’s because so much of what gets talked about and dreamed up has to wait.

Until tomorrow. Maybe then change we’ll be convenient. Because it’s super inconvenient and so damn hard today.

So what’s a dreamer to do? How can we look favorably upon tomorrow while reminding ourselves that we’ve got to act today?

For me, it’s wrapped up in a simple five-word phrase: “Today is a new day.”

Before Starbucks put that message on its front doors, our friend Jen Lemen did so in colorful artwork. And for Jen (and us), what follows on that poster is a friendly kick in the stomach. Yes, today is a new day – but it will be just like yesterday if we don’t get busy changing things.

If we don’t embrace kindness.

Or practice compassion, stand up for justice or talk to strangers.

If we don’t ask for help and offer hope.

If we don’t listen with our whole heart, work for the common good or love well.

Everything will stay the same if we don’t try and be the change we wish to see in the world.

So, folks, we’ve got to get busy. Today. Now. Like, right now.

Change is inconvenient because it demands we act today. If we want a cathedral of better tomorrows, her foundation must be laid today.

AUTHOR BIO: Sam Davidson, aside from being the man kind enough to be giving away free copies of his book New Day Revolution to all of those involved in the Inconvenience of Change series, is the founder and CEO of Cool People Care. Sam epitomizes what it means to be a social entrepreneur – serving the added bottom line of giving back to community efforts and raising awareness daily. It’s an honor and a privilege to have him as a contributor here and more importantly, to have as a friend.

It took me a while to get started on this article, but I finally gave up on trying to come up with a great post on personal change and went with what I know best: social justice. I’m an activist by profession and passion so it’s hard for me not to talk about politics whenever I can.

Changing the big picture

Social justice is inconvenient because it requires change not just on the individual level but on the community, regional and national level, and ultimately the global level. Strangely enough though, the more people you can get to change, the easier the situation becomes. Why? Well, Grace’s post on group mentality to change is a great example of this logic but also, social movements essentially mean a group of people working towards one common cause. The momentum alone is enough to affect change. For a lot of people, myself included, it feels like the burden of responsibility is too much and it’s incredibly difficult to want to continue working towards that bigger picture because any kind of movement is slow and filled with squabbles and challenges-much rather like life.

Social justice is also inconvenient because the end results usually don’t measure up to any standard of success. Rather, it doesn’t adhere to any one set of standards considering movements of any kind of magnitude takes on a life of its own and given enough time, becomes sluggish and bogged down in logistics, details and conflicts. Movements diverge and become separate entities and create what we like to call the “silo effect” where half a dozen organizations all with the same or similar mandates end up competing for limited resources from the same group of funders, jealously guarding their work. If that isn’t inconvenient, I don’t know what is.

Don’t start a revolution, join one

The good news is that whatever inconvenience social justice poses, the ultimate goal of making the world a better place for all to live in is worth pursuing. Personal change gives you the motivation to pursue your social justice dreams (whatever they may be) but if you’re like me and not particularly interested in redefining the issue, join the movement. There are, after all, half a dozen or so organizations of your choice to join and to help out by utilizing the awesome skills you picked up while undergoing your personal change. And trust me, they need all the enthusiastic passionate help they can get. So if you’re intimidated by the big picture and feel confused, don’t try to start a revolution-join one instead.

AUTHOR BIO: Mandy is a 24-year-old social activist living in Canada, wandering aimlessly through the internet looking for the meaning of life. She has her Bachelor of Arts degree in Political Science, which is, incidentally, also her passion (political science, not the degree). She currently works for a non-profit organization whose mandate is human rights education through the framework of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Her collaborative blog project, tentatively titled Sensical Politics, is in the works and should be unveiled on Canada Day (July 1). Reach out and give her a shout on Twitter today!