Awesome Friday! [2/27/09]

Every Friday here at Life Without Pants is an Awesome Friday! As we celebrate the end of the work week and kick of the weekend, we’ll take a look at some of the most random and hilarious news and media dug up from around the web + promote and recognize some local and global initiatives. It could be something serious, it most likely will be funny, but it will always make you think, and sometimes make you ask yourself, ‘WTF?’. So make LWP part of your Friday-morning routine; right here is the place to be for your five-minute dose of hilarity and enlightenment.

This week we pay tribute to: Spam Emails

Did you read the above email? Please, do yourself a favor and go read it again then come back, I’ll be right here waiting. Good? Make sense? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Somewhere around 2:30pm yesterday afternoon this gem fell into my inbox at work. Now 98% of the time, I immediately delete messages like this without even giving it a second thought. But this one promised ‘Moree orgasms’ (with two ‘E’s) so I had to at least see what I was missing. Little did I know I would fall deep into a cryptic, irrational, incoherent message of epic proportions! Go read it again, seriously – every time you do you will pull something else from this that is even more awesome and bizarre than your last run through.

  • Observation 1: Past the headline of ‘New Orgaasm Enhancer’ – again going the two vowel route, there is absolutely nothing said about enhancing any said orgasms; but props for suckering me in here.
  • Observation 2: It wants’ me to CLICK HERE – and while it’s tempting, I would rather spare my hard drive from exploding. Nice try.
  • Observation 3: Here’s where the fun really begins. The body of the email is poetry at it’s absolute finest. I honestly cannot even break it down – the police will have to come, then there is the fallacy on jackpots and smearing himself at the pie counter (maybe this IS somehow about enhanced orgasms after all!). Archness toward roland? I think if you say this out loud in a mirror 3 times you’ll regret it. Then, of course, there is the oaken walking stick which also showed. Right, perfectly sane.

Will someone please explain this to me? I can’t wrap my mind around it at all – but in the end, it doesn’t really matter. It’s perfectly confusing and ‘Sandy Doller’ expertly leaves it up to the reader for interpretation. Granted, my orgasms were not enhanced and I’ve got a headache from trying to de-code, but you have to appreciate craftsmanship like this. Next time, think twice before deleting that spam message. Take it in for what it’s worth, and then delete it immediately because it probably contains a virus.

And Around the Web We Go!

As always, if you find something that you think other people should see – a funny video or picture, an awesome or unusual news story, a cause or event that you would like to raise awareness about, shoot me an email or find me on twitter [contact info in the 'About Me' section] and I’ll get you up on the next week’s dose of Awesome Friday! Have a great day and a great weekend!

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Jamie February 27, 2009 at 2:40 pm

I read that over three times and still don't understand it.

My head exploded a little bit.

WHO WROTE THAT!? WHY DID THEY WRITE IT!? WHAT DOES IT MEAN!? You have ruined me. These questions have poisoned my brain!!

Reply

Matthew February 27, 2009 at 3:05 pm

Jamie – I know, right? It is mind-boggling. It's 'A Beautiful Mind' stuff – like if you circle every third letter and spell backwards you'll find out all of America's secrets: Area 51, who killed Kennedy, you name it!

The more I read it, the more confused, yet more intrigued, I become.

Reply

Tim Kerrick February 27, 2009 at 5:36 pm

I've been collecting spam since 2007 – thus far I have 70,040 msg's in the designated folder. What gets me is that some of them are dated Jan 18th 2038 and one is dated Aug 8th 1949.

I can only wonder how many of them are filled with literary gems like this one.

Reply

Matthew February 28, 2009 at 6:13 am

A Spam collector? Is this intentional or just a folder that has never been emptied to the trash? Spam messages are like a virtual time capsule – we can read what people are saying 30 years from now, maybe that's why we can't decode the cryptic messages – we just aren't in that advanced state of mind yet.

Reply

Matthew March 3, 2009 at 9:49 am

Since posting this I have received these follow-ups:

2/27: The protectors of the domestic hearth. We meet be utterly
futile. You can't catch my birds without en espagne et enverreaux,
l'anthropologie, 1890, arrangements, surely! Thus it was,
however and glass on the a Yes but i did not see it withdraw..

3/3: Malcolm would have made one in the little fleet, ruminant
with a pig's tooth fixed on to each end, idea of drawing
things on to a climaxof witnessing would be soon discovered.
public opinion was much the spot whence it came, and they
beheld a dwarf.

One day I will decipher these cryptic codes and will find out all of the World's secrets. Atlantis. Loch Ness. JFK Assassination. The answers are all inside…

Reply

Matt Cheuvront March 3, 2009 at 4:49 pm

Since posting this I have received these follow-ups:

2/27: The protectors of the domestic hearth. We meet be utterly
futile. You can't catch my birds without en espagne et enverreaux,
l'anthropologie, 1890, arrangements, surely! Thus it was,
however and glass on the a Yes but i did not see it withdraw..

3/3: Malcolm would have made one in the little fleet, ruminant
with a pig's tooth fixed on to each end, idea of drawing
things on to a climaxof witnessing would be soon discovered.
public opinion was much the spot whence it came, and they
beheld a dwarf.

One day I will decipher these cryptic codes and will find out all of the World's secrets. Atlantis. Loch Ness. JFK Assassination. The answers are all inside…

Reply

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