Every Friday here at Life Without Pants is an Awesome Friday! As we celebrate the end of the work week and kick of the weekend, we’ll take a look at some of the most random and hilarious news and media dug up from around the web + promote and recognize some local and global initiatives. It could be something serious, it most likely will be funny, but it will always make you think, and sometimes make you ask yourself, ‘WTF?’. So make LWP part of your Friday-morning routine; right here is the place to be for your five-minute dose of hilarity and enlightenment.

This week we pay tribute to: Spam Emails

Did you read the above email? Please, do yourself a favor and go read it again then come back, I’ll be right here waiting. Good? Make sense? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Somewhere around 2:30pm yesterday afternoon this gem fell into my inbox at work. Now 98% of the time, I immediately delete messages like this without even giving it a second thought. But this one promised ‘Moree orgasms’ (with two ‘E’s) so I had to at least see what I was missing. Little did I know I would fall deep into a cryptic, irrational, incoherent message of epic proportions! Go read it again, seriously – every time you do you will pull something else from this that is even more awesome and bizarre than your last run through.

  • Observation 1: Past the headline of ‘New Orgaasm Enhancer’ – again going the two vowel route, there is absolutely nothing said about enhancing any said orgasms; but props for suckering me in here.
  • Observation 2: It wants’ me to CLICK HERE – and while it’s tempting, I would rather spare my hard drive from exploding. Nice try.
  • Observation 3: Here’s where the fun really begins. The body of the email is poetry at it’s absolute finest. I honestly cannot even break it down – the police will have to come, then there is the fallacy on jackpots and smearing himself at the pie counter (maybe this IS somehow about enhanced orgasms after all!). Archness toward roland? I think if you say this out loud in a mirror 3 times you’ll regret it. Then, of course, there is the oaken walking stick which also showed. Right, perfectly sane.

Will someone please explain this to me? I can’t wrap my mind around it at all – but in the end, it doesn’t really matter. It’s perfectly confusing and ‘Sandy Doller’ expertly leaves it up to the reader for interpretation. Granted, my orgasms were not enhanced and I’ve got a headache from trying to de-code, but you have to appreciate craftsmanship like this. Next time, think twice before deleting that spam message. Take it in for what it’s worth, and then delete it immediately because it probably contains a virus.

And Around the Web We Go!

As always, if you find something that you think other people should see – a funny video or picture, an awesome or unusual news story, a cause or event that you would like to raise awareness about, shoot me an email or find me on twitter [contact info in the ‘About Me’ section] and I’ll get you up on the next week’s dose of Awesome Friday! Have a great day and a great weekend!

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About Matt Cheuvront

I empower folks to do the work they want to do and live the life they want to live. I also watch entirely too much Saved by the Bell, run marathons, and drink plenty of craft beer. Check out the work my company is doing at Proof Branding.